Do As I Say, Not As I Do

So, the past couple of months, I have harped on my husband about his eating habits.  Now, let me preface this by saying my hubs is one of those infuriating men.  You know the ones.  One of the healthy “fat” people.  He is carrying extra weight – there is no doubt about that.  But every time he goes to the doctor, everything (aside from his weight) is perfect – perfect blood pressure, perfect blood sugars, perfect cholesterol…ugh.  But, I keep telling him, it may not always be perfect.

The husband does have a heart murmur, which tends to be more pronounced when he has caffeine.  He’s been drinking about 20 oz of decaf a day in the am – and I keep explaining to him that even decaf has caffeine in it.  When we first discovered the heart murmur (he thought he was having a heart attack after drinking a whole pot of decaf and having a whole tin of chocolate covered cherries for breakfast), I took him off the decaf coffee and switched him to herbal tea.  He likes to have something hot in the am.  I also told him he could have decaf tea, but the limit on that is 8oz – no more.  He likes Earl Grey – because that is what Captain Picard drinks.  Sigh.


Sadly, he’s gotten back to drinking decaf since he went back to work last year, and the murmur is back.  So, he’s once again banned from coffee.

Now, I’m a coffee drinker.  Full on high-test-curl-your-toes-espresso-please-many-cups-a-day-coffee.  It doesn’t bother me in the least.  Prior to my thyroid diagnosis, I was drinking it with Splenda or Stevia and cream.  Now I drink it black, and have found that I prefer it that way, although once a week or so, I treat myself to a skinny latte at Starbucks.


I have been preaching to the husband for a few months about his weight.  “Um, hello, pot?  This is kettle.”  While I’m not obese anymore, I am overweight still, and the thyroid treatment has held up the weightloss.  But the hubs is 5’4″, and he is 230 pounds.  Not good.  He has a physical today – and I told him to have the doctor check his cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, his knee (which he hurt in November), his prostate (he has a family history of prostate cancer and I want them to do the blood test so we can compare it to the last one), and his thyroid.  I know the doctor will tell him to lose weight.  Because, yeah – even if his numbers come back fine, as a latino, he is more predisposed to diabetes and heart disease, and his biological father had both.

I have been trying to get him to eat like I do – although I’ve backslid on my clean eating in the past couple of weeks, and am working to get myself back on it.

So, this week, I’m being less bossy and more leading by example.  I’ve taken to all meal prep this week.  I’m packing his lunches (so I know what he’s getting).  More fruit, less granola bars (the ones he thinks are healthy because they have granola in them, but are also covered in chocolate and sugar).  Homemade clean eating soups and stews.  More protein, veggies, and good fats.  And no coffee for him.  And, to lead by example, I’ve cut myself back to one cup a day.  Black.  In the morning.  The rest of the day, I am drinking herbal tea, and tons of water.

I am having a hard time getting him to drink water.  I have to bribe him with Crystal Light – which is the devil.  Nothing but chemicals.  I don’t touch the stuff anymore.

But our bodies need water.  Real, honest to goodness water.

We are on day two of eating nothing but good for you stuff.  He had an egg this morning, with one small potato fried in coconut oil, and a slice of Canadian bacon (baby steps with him y’all).  His lunch is the same as mine – my clean eating veggie beef soup, an orange (I have a tangerine), some gluten-free multi-grain crackers (no crackers for me, I have plain greek yogurt instead), and a paleo brownie.  Dinner will be a pork chop, and some steamed veggies.

Wish me luck – this isn’t going to be an easy row to hoe.  But I know my hubs needs to lose weight.  If anything, he needs to lose weight so his mother doesn’t yell at me in May.  Because she always does.  Not to mention, I’d like to take off these last 30 freaking pounds.  Hello, thyroid meds?  I’m talking to you.

So, let me lead by example.

Full on clean eating.  For a long and healthy life with the man I love.

FYI, here is my breakfast today…double protein bread, natural peanut butter, sliced banana, drizzle of honey, chia seeds, and a side of melon.


Things That Go Bump In The Night

Ok, they are supposed to, but they haven’t.

My hubs and I, well, we haven’t gone “bump in the night” in two years.

It is what brachytherapy does.  It mangles you as a woman.

Not to mention the whole lack of sexual desire that accompanies a hysterectomy.

And the trauma of cancer.

Living with your mother will screw with your intamacy levels too.

I feel bad.  I shouldn’t.  I can’t help it.  I have been traunatized both physically and mentally thanks to cancer.

But there is always the sadness that you aren’t providing your partner with a basic need that comes with a happy, healthy marriage.

I am trying to work through this.

But it sucks.

House Hunting Sucks

I had seriously forgotten what a PITA it is to look for a new place.  And seriously, my husband doesn’t want to bend on any of his wants, which makes this hard.  We are looking for a rental and he thinks he’s going to get everything he wants in a rental.  I keep trying to tell him that everything he wants may not come in a rental.  In fact, it probably wouldn’t even come in a house we decided to buy.  But still…

And I am skeeved out by the number of folks out there who are trying to push rental scams.  I have hit 4 in the past two weeks.  People who keep telling me they only want a “good Christian family” to look after their homes and can you provide X, Y and Z in an email.  Nope.  Nope nope nope.  We are going through a realtor now.  I am not going to be scammed.  I’ve worked in the business too long.  Problem with the realtor we have is getting him to actually call me back.

In other news, I am now one week into my new dosage of thyroid meds.  They have an 8 day half-life, so I shouldn’t be feeling any difference with the higher dosage, and I’m not.  I feel less crappy than I did, but that is more than likely because the bronchitis is getting better.  I still have an annoying cough, but I don’t feel like death warmed over.

I’m still eating cleanly.  I slipped yesterday, and added some pasta to my tomato sauce and gluten-free meatballs.  Only about a quarter of a cup.  Made me feel like crap.  Lesson learned.  Back to clean this morning.  Good news is, I am thinking the new dose of thyroid meds, combined with the older, smaller dose of meds may actually be working now because I got on the scale for my weekly weigh in and I’m back down to under 180 – my warning number.  My body sat happily around 175 for months, and then when they killed my thyroid, I shot up to 186 and it scared the hell out of me.  My warning number is 180 – the one that makes me freak out a little bit.  I am terrified of going back over 200 pounds (I mean, I spent over 30 years there, so yeah).  Without a functioning thyroid, you can’t lose weight, or maintain.  Now that my thyroid hormones have started to kick in, I’m going back in the right direction.  PHEW.  Maybe, just maybe, when this is all said and done and my dosage is evened out to the proper level, I’ll get off the last 20 or so pounds I want to lose.  Maybe.  If not, and I stay in the 170s, I’m good with that too – but being in the 160s, or the 150s, that would thrill me.  Especially for my long-term maintenance and my height.

I’ve also noticed my skin is looking much better now that I’m eating cleanly and getting my thyroid on the right path.  I still have some puffiness under my eyes and some dark circles (classic thyroid symptoms) but they are getting better.  I have added some very nice eye cream to my routine (Clinique).  Skin care is incredibly important for people like me – people who have had weight loss surgery, but also diabetics (even if it is in remission), and post cancer patients (our skin has been through the ringer with radiation and chemo), and thyroid patients.  I have a strict skin care routine I follow every day – and I do pay for the Clinique because it is worth it.  I wash and tone, and moisturize twice a day.  And it pays off, but with the thyroid issues, my complexion was waxy looking, and uneven, and red and ruddy.  But with the clean eating and the thyroid, my complexion is improving – I don’t look so red and ruddy anymore – more even, and supple.  And I don’t look so tired.  That’s a plus.  I’m still fighting horrible fatigue, but I don’t look like I just crawled out of bed all the time.  So, little changes.

And I forgot my freaking cell phone at home today.  So, I won’t actually know if the realtor contacts me today.  I feel naked without my cell.  I mean, my office phone is here, and it works, but MY CELL PHONE ISN’T HERE OMG.  I guess I’ll call the realtor’s office when I go to lunch.  BAHAHAHAA…that is, if I get one today.  Sigh.

Some Updates

Not all will be about the knee. 🙂

So, let’s get the knee out of the way first. I finished one week of PT – and my therapist is thrilled at how quickly I’m gaining strength. I can only bend to about 70%, but that’s 35 more than I started with. I can weight bear, don’t need my cane unless I’m outside where there is a fall danger. I’m going up steps (not down) one foot at a time. I’m going back to the office on Monday. I’m still taking some pain killers at night (mostly after therapy nights – it takes a lot out of me) but no pain during the day. I can get in the shower (yay!) and get in the pool at therapy by myself. She’s increasing my exercises next week.

Anxiety front – I have successfully weaned myself down to two pills a day. Next week, I’ll go down to one, and do that for one week. No anxiety attacks and no anxious feelings. YAY.

Cancer – there are no symptoms and I’m happy about that. Sadly, when my knee surgery ocurred, I stoped using both my dialator and my estrogen cream. My husband very delicately reminded me about a week ago that we had not had sexy time in over a year. I get a pass right now because of my knee, but I’m going to have to take that obstacle on. I miss being intimate with my husband. A lot. Thanks to the hysterectomy, I haven’t had much desire, in addition to the fact that my vagina is only two inches long now and there’s pain. I need to get back to using the dialators and the estrogen cream so that I can stretch things out a bit.

Work is crazy busy and I love it. Bob is thrilled with his new job. We are getting ready to go to Colorado next month for the family reunion. My father-in-law has been in the hospital this week – he hasn’t eaten in three weeks. My mother-in-law says he has some kind of blockage in his stomach that isn’t allowing him to digest food and he feels full all the time. My MIL won’t leave his side and has worn herself out. I have a feeling what might be causing the problem but I’m not going to say it. He is only getting in Ensure, and only little amounts of that. I’m worried about him.

House still hasn’t sold. Boo.

Weight Watchers has been awesome. it reminded my pouch about what its job was, and I’ve lost nearly 30 pounds. I’m a few pounds away from being under 200 again and I’m thrilled.

We have happy kitties and a happy dog. All in all, life is good.

Finally Finished

The stress test went well this morning, and I am finally done with pre-op. Hopefully my ONE GOOD VEIN recouperates before next week. All the blood work and the IV this morning, I admit, it is sore.

So, they once again had to ask me this morning if there was any chance I was pregnant. Seriously, if you say no, they should just let it go. But of course, he had to ask how I knew. Well, I had a totaly hysterectomy in 2012. Not preggers. No chance. Don’t have the parts. You know, I still tear up when I have to answer that question though. When they called me yesterday to pre-register me for my surgery, they had to ask me when my last period was…I asked her to kindly put a note on my file not to ask me the day of surgery. I’ll be emotional enough. I don’t want to have to tear up again if they insist I take a pregnancy test (they made me take a bunch of them before my hysterectomy).

I guess I’m just all kinds of emotional anyway. Dawned on me this morning that it has been about a year since I finished up my treatments. A year. And things are still so out of whack. I’m still struggling to find normal, to not be emotional over the weirdest things. I had what was called a nuclear stress test, which means they inject you with a radioactive isotope, and take pictures of your heart before and after the actual “stress test” part of the test. The machine they put you in is similar to the CT scans I’ve had, and very similar to the radiation I went through. When I was laying there this morning, and I had my arms over my head laying very still, that machine was whirring around me, and all I could think of was radiation. It was tough laying there.

And thanks to all the radiation I had, things down in the vag area are still out of whack. Everything is still so very painful. It’s tough. My husband says he doesn’t mind, but I do. I guess one day things may get back to normal down there…or not.

At any rate, I’m ready for my knee surgery. Ready to get it over with. At least I can avoid needles for the next six days. 🙂

Send some good thoughts my way today…I need them. Doing a lot of feeling sorry for myself. I think it’s probably just the lack of caffeine, but at any rate, I’m all sniffly today.

Pre-Op is Rounding The Final Corner

Yesterday, we were off because of the President’s Day holiday, so I took advantage of it to get a lot of my pre-op done. I got up early, headed to my new doctor’s office to drop off my consent for them to obtain my medical records from my old doctor, and then Bob and I headed down to MD to finish up the pre-op process. First stop, the hospital.

I went to the hospital to complete my EKG, Chest X-ray and blood work. I am amazed because I usually get folks who have to dig around for a good vein, but the girl listened to me yesterday. I told her where to look, and where to aim for, and she got it on the first stick. YAY!

I finished up my chest x-ray and EKG in record time, so before my next appointment, Bob and I got to go to our favorite sushi restaurant for lunch. I blew the remainder of my weekly points, but it was so worth it.

After lunch, we headed to Target so I could pick up a prescription. Hopefully, that will be the last one that gets filled down there. I had to wait (of course), so Bob went over to our house to check it with all the snow we’ve had. Thankfully, there were no issues. He picked me up, and we still had time before my 2:00, so we went to Walmart to get some craft supplies for me and a new printer cartridge.

Then I headed to my doctor for my pre-op clearance. The appointment went fine, but he grabbed a hold of my knee and I about shot off the table. “Oh, does that hurt?” Nope…having surgery because I have nothing else to do.


Then he asked about my medical history, and he actually says to me, “You don’t have any history of cancer in your family, do you?” I swear I had to put my eyeballs back in my head. I said, “You mean besides mine?” Oh, yeah…he forgot. Sigh. Plus, there was my dad’s colon cancer, my oldest sister’s ovarian cancer, my older sister’s colon cancer, and my Mom’s chronic leukemia. Nope, not much cancer history there. Sigh.

At any rate, he cleared me for surgery. After that appointment, we headed over to the grocery store to get some lunchmeat for the week and some diet root beers (I’ve had a craving). We hit the post office and then headed back to DE. We got home probably around 4 after leaving the house at 9am. Long day.

This afternoon, I am headed to the cardiologist for my cardiac clearance, and there will be nothing more but to wait.

7 more days after today. I am so ready to get this over with.

It’s On Like Donkey Kong

So, there’s lots to update about. 🙂

First, I took Bob last Friday to go shopping for work clothes. He hasn’t held a desk job in 7 years, and needless to say, what he did have was limited, a lot failed to fit, and some was just…well…no, he’s not wearing that out of the house and claiming to be married to me. So, Friday, we went to the Mall (*gasp* – this girl hates the mall), and I helped him pick out two sports coats, a pair of shoes, four new ties and four shirts. Then we took the sports coats to the tailor to have the sleeves hemmed. I also treated myself to a GORGEOUS leather bomber jacket which was originally $200 and marked down to $80 and Bob got my Valentine Gift – the new Pandora Essence Bracelette with the Confidence Charm (also, LOVE). Then we had Chinese food (and I stayed on plan!!!) and called it a night.

Saturday morning, I got up early and headed to my Weight Watcher meeting.  This was my third meeting but I joined the program the first of January.  I have officially lost 8.8 pounds since January 1st and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  I’ve retrained my pouch to remember what full feels like, and I’m eating food that is good for me.  Whole grains, low fat, good proteins, fruits and veggies.  It’s the boost I needed.

An old co-worker of mine and his family are adopting their second little one from China. Last December, they held a raffle of a bunch of things to help raise money for the costs of bringing her home.  I won one of the raffle packages, which included a free overnight stay at Simply Bed and Bread  in Chestertown, MD (the home of Washington College).  We decided to use our free night on Saturday, and took a trip down the Eastern Shore.  On the way we stopped in Galena, MD to visit some antique stores.  I bought myself two gorgeous rings – one pink saphire and one amthyst.  Then we headed down to Chestertown for the night.  It’s a small town on the Chester River.  Not a lot to do, but it was a relaxing weekend.  I can’t recommend the Bed and Breakfast enough – we had such a pleasant stay – relaxing and quite and just lovely.  We had dinner in town at the Fish Whistle Cafe.  Bob had Fish and Chips, and I had the Tuna Soft Tacos.  Delicious.  Then we went back to the room, hunkered down in the ginormous California King, pulled up a bunch of blankets, and watched TV until we passed out.  We soooo needed that.  The next morning, we were greated with the smell of coffee and fresh baked bread, and a huge breakfast!  We couldn’t even finish it!  We had fresh fruit (blackberries and mango), greek yogurt with homemade granola, a spinach quiche and toast.  And in the middle of the table was a ginormous cinnamon bun, but we were so full we didn’t even get to try it.  🙂   We headed home shortly afterwards so Bob could be home in time to watch his beloved Broncos in the Superbowl.  Sadly, it was a blowout, and we turned the game off at nine to watch Downton Abbey instead.

I had Monday off for some doctor appointments I had been waiting for, but we were greated with another freaking storm.  I’m really hella sick of this snow and ice.  We are supposed to have another one tonight into tomorrow.  UGH.  And then another next weekend.  Someone please fast forward the calendar to Spring?  We got in the car and headed to MD though, braving the snow and ice for my appointments.  First I met with my primary care, and got all my paperwork filled out to transfer to a Primary Care Physician closer to where we live.  From there, I headed down to the orthopaedist to get the final word on my knee surgery.

So, you know it’s never good news when your doctor is reading your MRI report and he goes, “Now that can’t be right.”  He shook his head, and then said he was going to look at the disc (thank goodness).  Five minutes later, with a furrowed brow, he comes in and says, “This is the worst knee I’ve seen in the history of my practice.”

I’m a winner!  LOL

So, he then went on to say that I have a torn MCL (what’s left of it), and everything is bone on bone.  I even have bone losss where the bones are rubbing together.  My patella (knee cap) is offset – over to the left.  I’d had this fixed in the past, but it’s drifted.  Luckily, instead of a full knee replacement (which requires sawing off part of my bones), he said there seems to be enough material to attempt the de novo cartalidge graft.  YAY!  Of course, the recovery sucks – 8 to 10 weeks in an immobilizer accompanied by no weight bearing at all on the leg.  The surgery is scheduled (tentatively) for February 26th.  I’ve taken off one week of work – 2/26 through 3/5 – for pain recovery and then I’ll be working from home for a while until I’m surer on my feet and surer that the snow will stay away.  I’m NOT taking short term this time around because it is a PITA.  Vacation, work from home, only five days of work missed.  Badabing.

I know, a lot of people have asked me why I don’t want to have the total knee replacement.  The thing is, if I have one now (and it requires the removal of bone tissue), I’ll have to have another in 20 years.  A 2nd surgery for knee replacement is dangerous.  They don’t generally go as well as the first one, and it requires having that bone sawed again.  With the de novo, I can buy myself some time.  I can get five or 10 more years out of my original knee and try to push off that knee replacement so I only have to have one.  It’s delaying the inevitable, but in the long run, it will ensure I can walk on my own for a while longer.

I also talked to the doctor about the last reaction I had with percosets – which thanks to my RNY – my pain killer of choice.  I’ve taken them for years during painful arthritis issues and following surgery with no issues.  Generally, they knock me out enough so that the pain is still there but uneventful, and I can get some sleep.  I take them only at night (except just following surgery) and I have no issues.  This last round, however, caused me to itch all over.  I mean, seriously wanted to scratch my face off.  Apparently, I have developed an allergy to them.  BOO.  So, he switched me over to vicoden.  I’ll have to remind him of that just before surgery.  But at least last night, I could sleep with out waking up screaming in pain every time I turned over.

Between you and I, I was secretly very relieved to get that MRI report back.  I was terrified all the pain in my knee was being caused by more cancer.

Yeah, it never goes away.