I’m coming to discover that this time of year gives me heavy anxiety. I think it has to do with the fact that this was when I was going through chemo (three years ago – wow), learning to deal with the diagnosis, etc. Something about the change in the air, the days getting shorter, the changing of the leaves…who knows? I hope it isn’t this way forever.
I am scheduled to see my gynecological oncologist next week. We were on vacation in Dallas last week (amazing time!!) and while I was there, I noticed a pain in my groin I want him to check out. I didn’t bother calling since I know I have an appointment next week. For some reason, I’m quite zen about it.
So, we were visiting my brother-in-law and sister-in-law while on vacation. My sister-in-law was recently diagnosed with Stage One Ovarian Cancer this year. She’s still very angry about it. She kept saying to me, “I am mad. I don’t want a new normal, I want my old normal.” Sigh. It made me thing about the 5 stages, and if I went through them. I don’t know that I ever did. I think I went straight to acceptance. Actually, thinking about it, it’s more I went in to, “Well, shit. What do I need to do to not have this anymore?” I have never been one to deal with the Why Me part of illness. Takes too much of my energy worrying about why me. I just hope my sister-in-law is able to find peace on her journey. Do I think you can get back to your old “normal?” Not after a cancer diagnosis. It is always there. It never goes away. You can make your new normal better than your old one.
In a completely new note, I’ve been seeing a chiropractor. I have arthritis in my ass. LOL Technically, it is a frozen SI joint (where your tail bone and pelvis meet). Actually, I’ve had it for years. I was seeing a Physical Therapist just prior to my cancer diagnosis (when we thought the SI joint was actually the cause of my hip pain) but quit when I got the cancer diagnosis. It’s been really bothering me lately, so I decided to go see a chiropractor. I’m definitely looser. I am hoping it helps.
Exercise and diet going well.
Send some good vibes for the groin pain – hoping it’s just a small infection.