So Saddened

Yesterday, I signed the paperwork to turn our home back over to the bank.  I severed my last physical tie to Maryland.  I will still travel to see my specialists, but I can no longer claim residence in Maryland now.

Ironic.

The day I severed my ties is a day that I will remember a city I called my home for 14 years burning in riots.

I am saddened by what is happening in Charm City.  I’m not surprised.  But I am saddened.

Those kids aren’t protesting Freddy Grey.  They are not protesting police brutality.  They are the same kids who throw things at people while waiting for the bus.  Who purse snatch women on the corners (I am not generalizing – I’ve seen it with my own eys).  Who yell slurs at the handicapped.  Who buy drugs at Lexington Market.

Freddy Gray’s  death gave them carte blanche to torch a city and take out their agressions.

I watched a neighborhood’s only store where elderly can get their medications and small groceries get torched, on live TV.  I saw a police car get set on fire.  I saw two men cut a fire hose so that it would impeed the firefighters’ attempts at dousing flames.  I watched as a geriatric facility was burned to the ground.  I watched on Saturday as my old office building had it’s doors busted in.

All of those events yesterday taking place less than 10 blocks from where I went every day to work for 13 years.

I have friends still living and working in the city.  I am supposed to attend a two day training event there next week.  I will not be attending.

This whole situation – it makes me sad.  This is not the way to protest.  This is how things lead to anarchy.

Baltimore tear

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Surgery Tomorrow

Tomorrow I am scheduled for surgery to treat de Quervain’s.  I counted up – this will be my 5th surgery since May of 2008.  That’s five surgeries in just under 7 years (I count based on my grand daughter’s birthday – she was born just a week after my first knee surgery).  At this point, I’m all…”eh, more surgery…nbg.”  Because really?  I won’t have to come home using crutches after this one, or hold a pillow over my belly for a week, or have chemo and radiation.  In fact, I’m only planning on taking one day off of work.  I may take off Monday, depending on how I feel.

I watched my surgery on YouTube today.  I honestly just want to see the incision, and what type of dressing I will have post op.  In all three of the surgeries I watched, it was a thumb spica similar to what I have worn for six months, only a cast.  Looks like I will have to wear it for at least two weeks until my first post op appointment.  I will have to coordinate my next Jamicure to my splint.  LOL

I have books downloaded on my kindle for the weekend, which will be spent quietly recouperating.

Fingers crossed this will be my last surgery, well, ever.

Still Sweating After All These Years

I had my two-year appointment with my oncologist last week (still cancer-free – whoo hoo!) and he asked me if I was still experiencing menopause symptoms.

Yup.

Two and a half years out of my surgical hysterectomy, the menopause is still a bitch.  I’m less moody (well, the hubster might disagree with that…LOL), but I still have a horrible time with hot flashes and night sweats.  Every time I think the hot flashes are dying down, they come back with a vengeance.  Sucks mightily, I tell you.

You know, I used to wish for a time when I no longer had to deal with my period, but honestly, it’s no better on this side.  Sure, I save money on tampons and I don’t have to have “period pants” anymore, (ladies, you know the ones I’m talking about), but things aren’t really greener on this side.  Menopause has its own host of bogies.  Hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness, vaginal dryness (this one is especially bad for me thanks to radiation and scarring), increased leg cramps, and having to pee a million times at night (sigh – that could be due to my radiation too – but ever since, I have to get up a few times a night to pee – and my blood sugars are just fine, thankyouverymuch).

The worst part are definitely the night sweats.  Waking up in a pool of your own sweat is just gross.

OH, or having a hot flash in a meeting at work.  When everyone is trying to be professional, and you are searching frantically for a manilla folder to fan yourself with.

Fun times.

What am I trying to say here?  Oh, I don’t know.  Be careful what you wish for?  Invest in a fan?  Who knows.

Because I don’t remember.  Menopause effects that too.

Yup.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

Knowing When To Let Go

Not going to lie – had a big, long, somewhat self-righteous blog post typed out here based on many of the blogs in which I am a regular reader.  Since my goal here is really NOT to offend anyone, and more to figure out when it is ok for me to stop dealing with personal poisons, I deleted it.

I’m just going to put it out here.  There are a number of blogs that I have followed for years, and I am no longer going to follow them for personal reasons.  I’m too busy trying to get my own shit together.  I don’t have time to read about your own shit.  I wish you good luck with your shit, I truly do.  But honestly, figure it out.  Stop blaming the Universe, the Democrats, the Republicans, the Heathens, the religious, the immigrants, the locals, the time of the month, and God, and start taking some responsibility for your own actions.  Because I have my own shit, and I’m trying to do just that – figure out my own shit.

So, I’m sure there are a ton of you out there who will take that personally – not my intent.  My intent is merely this – I have my own stuff I’m dealing with, and sometimes, seeing other people deal with things in what I can visualize as detrimental to my own mental health isn’t productive for me.

I’m not going to tell you what you can, or cannot write about on your blog.

But I don’t have to keep reading it either.

And it’s not you…it’s me.

And vice versa – if you don’t like what I have to say here, well then, Bye Felicia.

I am healing myself.  From the inside out.  And part of that is knowing when to let go.

2 and 6

Two years and 2 months since my last chemo.

26 months in remission.

2 years and just over 6 months cancer free.

Graduated to seeing the oncologist every six months.

Two and six.

My new favorite numbers.

Busy Times…Busy!

Ok – juggling surgical prep, a busy full time job, and even busier new business, and nerves about my upcoming oncologist appointment (which was rescheduled to THIS week from last week) has put me in the hugely busy category and has put the blog on the back burner.  Sorry.

This past week, I went to my surgical clearance appointment, followed by my lab testing.  I’m cleared for surgery on the 24th and I am so ready for it.  Every time I say, “This will be my last surgery” and shake my fist defiantly, something comes up where I must have another one.  I’m getting to be old hat at it now.  In fact, I’m only taking a day off of work for this one.  Hopefully my pain will be on the low side.  *hopefully*

I also had my Launch Party for my Jamberry business this past weekend.  I had seven lovely ladies show up, and I have had some orders online.  The online party will be open until the 28th.  Business is going well, as it should – because the wraps are made of awesome and win.  I mean, where else can you get 2 manicures and pedicures for less than a single mani in a salon, with NO chipping, NO drying time, and metallic cheetah?  Check out my website for yourself!

Yesterday I had to go to NYC for my full-time, health insurance job.  I hate going to NYC for work, but meh – has to be done.  People who get romantic notions about the Big Apple haven’t had to fight Grand Central and the subway at 5pm on a work day.

My oncologist appointment got moved to this week.  Still nervously waiting for it.  Sigh.

So, other than work, more work, surgery, and the like, I’m also getting ready for class to start next month.  And our vacation, which just happens to coincide with my class starting (kill me now).  And planning another vacation this fall to TX.

I need a nap.

Seriously.

A long, lovely, luxurious nap.