I Feel Like a Long Tailed Cat in a Room Full Of Rocking Chairs

It’s Friday. I came in to the office today because I only have three “work” days left before vacation and we have a regulatory exam launching on Monday that I’m working on. It’s raining and the wind is blowing, so I really would rather have worked from home today, but my PC is here in the office. Besides updating Exam availability and sending deliverables over to the regulators, I don’t have much to do.

My CT scan is tomorrow. I wish I could say the thing I was most nervous about is getting the IV in my arm, but that would be a lie. Every time they do a scan, all I can think of is, “What if it is back?” Every twinge, every moment of weakness I’ve had, every single time I feel a bit of fatigue, I freak. I won’t be comfortable until I’ve had the scan and heard back from the doctor.

I also got a note today that I’m due for my mammomgram. That, honestly, is just no big deal. I have to call the onoclogist and get my referral, because he wants the results sent right to him. I’m not worried about this, as I do a self check every month, and aside from them hanging lower (LOL) there is nothing that feels off or out of character.

I also need to make an appointment with the gastroenterologist for my annual check-up. Tried to do that today, got transferred four times, and was finally told that Dr. Greenwald’s secretary is out of the office until Tuesday and can I call back then. Sigh.

Sadly, once you get free of the cancer in your body, it really never goes away. It’s the keeping it away that is nerve wracking.

Let’s just get tomorrow over with, shall we?


4 thoughts on “I Feel Like a Long Tailed Cat in a Room Full Of Rocking Chairs

  1. Ugh. I hate, hate, hate waiting for results. I get so anxious and scared every time! I hope you are doing okay and distracting yourself sufficiently. Sending positive thoughts your way!

  2. Right there with you girl, but you got this. You can do it. Think positive, and try to meditate during the scans (is it an MRI?). I’m having my annual abdominal MRI (ocular melanoms spread to the liver/abdomen) at the end of the month. I don’t expect to see anything, so, if I create my own reality (I hope :D), then there will be nothing. Just breathe–in through the nose, out through the mouth. I’ve got a good feeling about this. HUGS Jules

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