The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Waiting…waiting waiting waiting…sigh

The CT scan went well. They actually found a vein in my arm that wasn’t completely destroyed by Chemo and stuck me on th efirst shot. Hallelujah. The test took less time than finding a viable vein, but it’s done with. Now I wait. I called the raditional oncologist office this morning to let them know the test had been done. It wasn’t in their system yet. Hopefully I find out today or tomorrow if all is well. Fingers crossed.

Waiting…waiting waiting waiting…bah

We are nearly ready to go on vacation. I have just called all our reservations and confirmed them. Flight is confirmed. I have requested handicapped assistance due to my knee. The nice thing about flying from Wilmington is that we won’t have to pay for parking. The hard thing is that we are used to flying out at 8am, and now we don’t leave until 2, so it kind of shoots down the whole day. We get in at 4:45. We have decided to take only carry-ons so we won’t have to deal with baggage claim, and we’ll just go straight to pick up car and head to Aunt Linda’s. So excited.

Just hope the results of the CT scan don’t ruin the mood of the trip.

Waiting…waiting waiting waiting…hmph.


I Feel Like a Long Tailed Cat in a Room Full Of Rocking Chairs

It’s Friday. I came in to the office today because I only have three “work” days left before vacation and we have a regulatory exam launching on Monday that I’m working on. It’s raining and the wind is blowing, so I really would rather have worked from home today, but my PC is here in the office. Besides updating Exam availability and sending deliverables over to the regulators, I don’t have much to do.

My CT scan is tomorrow. I wish I could say the thing I was most nervous about is getting the IV in my arm, but that would be a lie. Every time they do a scan, all I can think of is, “What if it is back?” Every twinge, every moment of weakness I’ve had, every single time I feel a bit of fatigue, I freak. I won’t be comfortable until I’ve had the scan and heard back from the doctor.

I also got a note today that I’m due for my mammomgram. That, honestly, is just no big deal. I have to call the onoclogist and get my referral, because he wants the results sent right to him. I’m not worried about this, as I do a self check every month, and aside from them hanging lower (LOL) there is nothing that feels off or out of character.

I also need to make an appointment with the gastroenterologist for my annual check-up. Tried to do that today, got transferred four times, and was finally told that Dr. Greenwald’s secretary is out of the office until Tuesday and can I call back then. Sigh.

Sadly, once you get free of the cancer in your body, it really never goes away. It’s the keeping it away that is nerve wracking.

Let’s just get tomorrow over with, shall we?

So Many Things I’d Rather Be Doing

This Saturday, I’m scheduled for yet another CT Scan. I don’t mind the scan itself, but the whole process of the IV kind of sucks. And the whole, “OMG what if it shows something” is a bit nerve wrackig too.

So much to do lately, and I haven’t had time to get here for a post. Work has been busy, and on top of that, I’ve had two doctor appointments this week, plus PT three nights a week. Honestly, I’m so tired by the time I get home, I head right to bed. There’s so much I’d rather be doing this week in order to get ready for our trip next week, but I plug away at work because we like to eat, and have health insurance, etc.

I’m mentally preparing myself for the CT Scan. I’m sure I’ll get a call with the results when we are on our way to Colorado next Wednesday.

Speaking of Colorado, I’m so excited!!! Can’t wait to get away for a week, see family we haven’t seen in a while (I love my in-laws), and EAT. I can only have a few bites of things (thanks to the size of my pouch) but I’m going to enjoy what I do have. I’ve been dreaming about a big plate of carne asada, burritos smothered and topped, breakfast burritos with potato, egg and green chili, and we can’t forget the Rocky Mountain Oysters (yes, they’re nuts, but they taste like veal, I promise!)…mmmmm.

Count down is on!

Follow-Up to Yesterday’s Post

My radiation oncologist has a new PA (Physician’s Assistant). He has two, one is in the Baltimore Office, and one is in Bel Air, where I’m seeing him now. The new one is in Bel Air. I met her yesterday, and she seemed nice enough until she did my physical eval. She worked her way around my body, feeling lymph nodes, and when she got to my right armpit, she says out loud, “Well, that feels really bad.”

Um, ‘scuse me, what??

I mean, seriously, has she never had the talk about what NOT to say to a cancer patient?

So I freaked out. Naturally.

Had to wait 10 minutes until Dr. Sharma came in, and the she whispers to him (really loud whisper) “Check the nodes in her right arm – seems very a-typical.”

Dr. Sharma does his check, and he looks at her and say, “Everything is fine.”


I told him about the fatigue, and the swelling in my ankles. He isn’t overly concerned, but he did order a new CT since they are symptoms. He told me he’s not worried about them, because I have no gyno symptoms to speak of, and told me to call him when I had the test done.

Once his PA left the room, I told him what she had said, and told him maybe he should have the talk with her…the one about not freaking out people in remission. He apologized profusely.

So, I’m working on scheduling the CT. Then I see Dr. Rao (my medical oncologist) next month for my vaginal exam. I’m going to try to keep myself calm during the wait.

I Feel Like a Milk Shake

Something has been “not quite right” with me for a little over a month now. I haven’t blogged about because I had attributed it to the stupid knee surgery that is still making my life a pain. I’ve had extreme fatigue, and my muscles have been weak and I’ve gotten the shakes. It usually happens during a long day and I’m really tired.

Thousands of things have gone thorugh my head…from Parkinsons, to the cancer returning. I thought perhaps I was anemic again, and started taking iron and B-complex. I don’t know if that has helped yet. Quite honesly, I have been a bit freaked out.

And then, this morning, in the shower, it dawned on me.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers since January. It has done MANY wonderful things for me. I’ve lost my “cancer” weight (I put on 30 pounds during my treatment) and I’m back under 200 pounds for the first time in a couple of years. I’m back to eating healthy things, but am able to balance in treats here and there. The BEST thing about Weight Watchers is it has reminded me how to eat…for the most part. My pouch has been reminded of what it can do. Sadly, my brain has not adjusted itself as much as I would like to think.

As a bariatric patient, I need to get between 60 and 100 grams of protein a day. My body needs it to stay strong, and work correctly. I don’t think I’ve been getting anywhere near that.

My plan is to up my protein by adding shakes back in. I don’t do pre-made shakes – they taste horrible. I use whey protein powder, mixed with skim milk, and fruit. If I do one of those a day, it boosts me up and keeps me going. And it tastes a lot better than the pre-made shakes. I also have to remember my bariatric rules – no drinking while I eat. When I eat, protein first, then fruits and veg, and THEN carbs. My body already tells me when I eat something I shouldn’t. Now I just have to remember how to do it.

In other news, I have an appointment with the oncologist today. The radiation oncologist. Just a check-up. I’ll bring things up with him to get his opinion. Also, I will be asking him about the swelling in my ankles. I have had it since surgery, but can’t attribute it to the surgery, because it’s in both legs. My cardiologist says I have a drainage problem due to my lack of lymph nodes. Hopefully he can give me a fluid pill.

It’s always something.