A Quick Update

All is well. The bleeding was caused by trauma from my visit the previous week. What a relief!

Happy Holidays to all!


Nothing Like a Little Panic on a Monday

So, I just had an appointment a week ago with my medical oncologist and all was well.  All checked out ok.  No issues.

Aside from the issues I have had with missing the girly bits, everything was going a-ok.

And then I went to the bathroom.

Bright red blood.  Not just spotting.  Quite a bit of blood. 


I called my oncologist and he of course tells me that it’s probably nothing.

But he wants to see me.

Now if it is nothing, why do I have to go in?

He has always asked me if there has been any blood.  Never unless I’ve just had an exam, used the dialator, or had sexy time.  None of which has happened in the past 24 hours.

He said it may just be a result of the radiation and chemo I’ve had.

So he asked me to come in on Thursday afternoon.

Naturally, an hour later, the bleeding has stopped.  Only issue I’m having now is what feels like mild period cramps.  Which we all know isn’t possible because there’s nothing left in there to cause it.

Fingers crossed folks.

Having a Rough Go Of It

My heart is aching.  I had a talk with  Bob last night about it, although I don’t think he truly understands.

Mourning my fertility is not an easy process.

I’m considering talking to a grief counselor.

So many ifs going on…

If only we were financial stable…

If only we were in our own home again…

If only we weren’t as old as we are…

If only I could hold and kiss my own little one.

I know that I will get past this…that one day I’ll reach a point of acceptance.

Until then, my heart aches.


A bonus post.  Two in one day!

I was browsing through my Facebook feed this morning and found a post by the official Facebook site for The Little Couple.  It’s one of my favorite shows, and since I have been bouncing around the idea of adoption, I’ve been pretty glued to it the past year or so watching Bill Klein and Jen Arnold become parents to Will from China and now Zoey from India.  This post this morning shook me.

Dr. Jen Arnold, who also has a rare form of skeletal displaysia, has just been diagnosed with Uterine Cancer – she has Choriocarcinoma, a rare form of uterine cancer that develops after an unsuccessful pregnancy.  Jen miscarried in September and when they went to India to pick up their daughter the following month, Jen had some significant bleeding.  She was unable to stay in India (Bill was able to pick up their daughter), and came home to find out her diagnosis.  Chemotherapy was unsuccessful, so she underwent a hysterectomy (very dangers for Jen due to her size).  Cure rate for this type of cancer is about 90%, which is one thing in Jen’s favor.

I’m adding Jen to my warrior prayer list.

What surprised me about the article (by People Magazine) was the cover.  I think Jen looks great for someone who has just recovered from a hysterectomy and is undergoing chemo.  Lucky her.  Of course, they played up the whole “new mom” and isn’t this a tragic thing that it has happened to a new mom?  Of course it’s tragic.  Any young woman battling cancer is tragic.  Any older woman battling cancer is tragic.  In fact, anyone at all battling cancer is tragic.

My advice to Jen?  Fight Like a Girl.

Getting Back To Basics

I think when I got my cancer diagnosis, all my other defenses for my health took a backseat.  When I say this, I mean, my bariatric diet went out the door.  I had lots of excuses in my head…I felt like crap so I should get the calories in that I could…maybe it wasn’t important to lose weight as much as it was to be alive…blah blah blah.

Now, here I sit, 16 months into remission, nearly a year after completing my treatments, and I’m still eating whatever. the. hell. I. want.

This is not good.

I’m up into a weight region I swore I’d never get to again.  And losing it now, well, it’s really really hard.  Hormone imbalances are real barriers to losing weight.  And I’m not getting any younger, which makes this a tough fight.

So, I’m going to get back to basics.

Back to my protein shakes.

Back to my bariatric portions.

Back to paying attention to what the hell goes into my mouth.

It’s time to get this weight back off.

Starting now.


When I went to bed on Saturday night, they were predicting some snow yesterday afternoon, with less than an inch covering, and then turning to rain. 

I woke up Sunday morning, and they had the same prediction, so my sister and I went to the grocery store to get her rare “Who Beast” (beef tenderloin) for Christmas Dinner and when we got out of the car, we saw a few flakes.  We figured it had started a bit early, and shrugged it off.  We came out of the store 15 minutes later, and by the time we got back to our place, it was starting to blow on the roads a bit.  My sister dropped me off, packed up her car and headed back to her place in Dover.

An hour later, we already had the inch they had predicted.  And it was still snowing. 

A lot.

By 8pm last night, I kid you not, we were hit with 12 inches.

A foot of snow.


I was a bit worried because I had to go to Baltimore this morning for my 3-month cancer check with my oncologist.  I woke up early this morning to check the roads to see if I could make it to Baltimore.  Thankfully it wasn’t bad at all.  I drove in, and got there with half an hour to go.  My appointment went well.  Turns out, my medical oncologist does not think I need more surgery on my vagina.  I can’t tell you HOW happy I am about that.  He did say that I had significant damage down there from radiation – it has basically shrunk – but, he prescribed Premerin, a hormonal cream that goes on my vaginal walls about 3x a week.  It’s safe because it isn’t absorbed by the body, so it won’t trigger anymore cancer.  It will soften the scar tissue and allow it to flex.  I also got two more dialators.  I have to wait until Friday to pick up the script though – it cost $75.  Ugh.

When I got home, I got online with work (which is where I am now) and found out that Surprise!  4 to 6 more inches of snow are predicted for tomorrow.

Shoot. Me. Now.

At least I can work from home.