Returning to the Scene of the Crime

Last summer sucked.  Hands down sucked.  It was just last summer during our fourth of July Vacation weekend that I got sick.  Really sick.  Cancer sick.  And we were at our vacation place in  Chincoteague when it happened.

We just celebrated the offical start of the summer with Memorial Day.  And another trip to Virginia.  It felt like returning to a crime scene.  I kept waiting to get sick again.  But I didn’t.

So maybe this summer will be different.  I hope so.  Stay away Cancer.  You are not welcome here.

The only thing wrong with this past weekend was how freaking cold it was.  We had to use the heater and the electric blanket just to get through the weekend.  No pool.  No beach.  BUT plenty of parties, a golf cart parade, great friends, and good food.  And no return of the icks.

We are heading back down on the 14th.  Fingers crossed that it will be warmer and we can hit the pool.  I need to put last summer in the past.  WAY past.

And my little vacation place at the beach is just the place to do it.

You do not belong here Cancer.

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Running Ragged

I went back to work Wednesday after being off a week and a half to take care of my Mom.  She’s doing great, except the therapist really worked her on Thursday and she’s very sore.

The new commute for me sucks.  SUCKS.  I’m commuting literally 4 hours a day.  BOO.

Today I’m running errands and doing laundry.  Mom wants to go with.  I need to open a new bank account here in DE.

Weird thing about being back here in DE…I’m seeing all the political ads for Jersey and PA.  Chris Christie is all over the place here – running ads to vote for “The Governor” and they are set up like (what to me) seems like a Sopranos ad.  I liken Christie to Tony Soprano, likeable but just kind of, well, ick.

But I don’t have to vote for him.  🙂

The past couple of days, I’ve had some symptoms that I had before my initial diagnosis.  My doctor said those symptoms weren’t related, but it still scares the bejeebers out of me.  I’ve had some back pain and leg cramps.  My potassium level is ok, so I’m a bit worried.  I see the oncologist in a few weeks and will bring it up.

Been using my vaginal dilator like a good girl.  Still hate it.  We laugh about it though – Bob has to stretch his feet three times a day for his plantar faciatis.  I tell him I have to do my stretching exercises too.  I just don’t walk on mine.  😉

Time to go run errands.  TTFN!

It’s Still Just Right There

I have so much going on, that honestly, cancer should be in the background.  Way Back.

But it’s not.

It’s always Right. There.

I am so very tired.  And I’m trying to take care of my Mom, and my husband, and a much bigger house, and two cats, and a dog, and a job and and and….

Me.

I need more energy.

I need to not think about the fact that just two months ago I was having chemo and was still quite sick.

But it’s…

Right.  There.

When won’t it be?

When will it be gone?  When will I be able to be me again?

When will the hot flashes go away?

Because they have been horrible the past three weeks.

When will I have energy again?

Honestly, I have a feeling that no matter what, the threat of cancer and it’s effects on my body and my brain will always be..

Right. There.

But maybe, just maybe…at some point, Right There won’t quite be Right Here.

It will be Over There.

Or Back There.

Or even, perhaps, Over Yonder.

One day.

Catching Up

We are about 99% moved. We still have things at our house but they don’t have to be in DE right this minute. Bob was at the house yesterday and said it was sad being there. No life left in our first home together. Being at Mom’s is an adjustment. For all of us.

Mom came home last Friday. She gave us some scares at the nursing home, and her CLL required her to get a blood transfusion. Managing her care at the home, commuting to Baltimore for work, and managing a move were tough. I am exhausted, in pain, and sad because we are dealing with so much. I hate to admit that cancer sapped so much of my energy. I just want to go go go and I can’t.

Mom is doing well now. The transfusion did her wonders. Her knee is healing well, and we have started her PT today. I am off, but am working some from home. I am amazed at how much laundry one extra person in the house creates. I am hoping things calm down a bit now that Mom is home.