Uphill Climb

I mean to tell you, these past two weeks have been rough.  Chemo this time around is much worse than it was the first three times.  I suppose that makes sense, since the drugs build up in your body, and I did just finish 28 sessions getting french fried before I started chemo this time around.

My veins, which used to be strong and pop up at the drop of a hat, now run and hide when it comes time for chemo and blood word.  When I went on Monday, it felt like the poor woman was digging for gold just to get three small vials.  And I drank a ton of water ahead of time, so I’m really not looking forward to this coming Monday when it is once again time for chemo.  If I had more than two left, I’d opt for the port, but since I only have two sessions left, I just can’t bring myself to have another surgery – even an outpatient one.  So, I’ll make sure to drink a ton of water this weekend before chemo.

And my blood work still shows a compromised immune system and anemia.  It’s better than last week, but still lower than it should be.  I’m not confined to the house this week (thank you Jeebus) but I’m supposed to avoid sick people and people under 12.  Little ones are big old germ breeders.

My hair started coming out again yesterday.  I don’t know why this is bothering me so much.  I mean, I know it will grow back.  I know it will.  But it just seems cruel that I have just gotten to the point where I can wear a pixie cut and now it’s all coming out again.  We are not shaving my head this time unless it gets bad though.  It’s too cold.  More is falling out faster this time.  I see it in the shower, in the sink when I comb in delicately, on my pillow.  And it’s coming out everywhere *ahem*.

I’m tired all the time, and everything I eat makes me queasy, so I’m boosting myself up with protein shakes.  At least this time around I can drink my coffee.  I need my coffee.  Believe me.

I keep thinking – just two more to go.  Six more weeks.  But if it is this bad now, what is it going to be like in 4 weeks when I have my final round?

I know I have to do this.  I know I do.  I need to fight to keep the cancer out of my body.  And in the beginning, I thought the sandwich therapy was an awesome idea.  I’d get a break in between the chemo rounds (but radiation was horrible) and I’d cruise through the last three.  Ha.  So much for cruising.

But on the bright side, I’m working through my yarn stash.  I’ve made a scarf and a pair of socks in the past week, and now I’m working on another pair of socks, and then on to some projects that have been sitting around for a while because of my work schedule.

And, I don’t have to fight so much for my short-term disability this time.  When I called to make my claim, I told them I wanted my case assigned to someone who has worked with cancer cases before.  They listened to me, and now I have someone who is working with me.  I’m currently approved through 2/10 – which gives my doctor plenty of time to get the next docs in instead of having my claim suspend on me in the mean time.  And she listens.  Which is awesome.

And, my nephew and his wife out in Colorado sent me a get well present this week – a stuffed Mickey Mouse wearing an Eagles Jersey and a fleece Eagles blanket.  It was so very sweet of them.  The blanket will be laundered and both it and Mickey will be going with me to my final two chemo rounds.

The good with the bad.  The good with the bad will get me through.


3 thoughts on “Uphill Climb

  1. I think about you every day, and pray for you. I’m sorry that I don’t get to see you as often as I would like – it’s the price of having a terrible schedule and mobile germ factories under the age of twelve. But I AM thinking about you! Love you!

    Also, the boys were asking about you the other day. (((HUGS)))

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