The Final Countdown

I am struggling trying to get through work this week. I am attempting to complete an entire month’s worth of work in essentially five days so people don’t have to do much while I am out on short-term again. And to be honest, my “give a damn” level about all of it is pretty low. So I’m really trying to push myself to work on it.

I don’t wanna.

I’m on the final count down to my final three (*knock wood*) cancer treatments. And as much as I’m dreading another three rounds of chemotherapy, I’m looking forward to it as well. I’m looking forward to not having to shave my legs again for a while. Because that’s awesome. I’m looking forward to being able to count down the number of days from when I can go from saying, “I’m being treated for cancer” to “I’m in remission” without explaining why even though I’m in remission, I’m still having treatment. And, honestly, as much as I appreciate my job and my health insurance, I’m looking forward to tuning all the work drama out for a while.

Things I’m not looking forward to – well, the standard side effects of chemo (which surprisingly aren’t as bad as those of radiation – bad, but not AS bad); having someone dig around in my arm every three weeks for a usable vein (I’ve learned my lesson – “Go get a supervisor before you stick me” is now prevalent in my vocab); getting stuck in some way shape or form with a needle every Monday for the next nine weeks; and horrible constipation. I know, gross. And I’m really not looking forward to it. I’m also not looking forward to fighting with Met Life once again regarding my short-term disability. I opted to work the first two weeks of the year so my calendar would reset. I get 13 weeks of short-term and I know I’m going to be using 9 of them. I just don’t want to have to fight with the case rep again. I think this time I’ll ask to be sure to have my case referred to someone who has cancer experience. Because where they may have some people who work through chemo, I can’t. It triggers migraines and arthritis pains to the point where I can’t get out of bed. Plus, I work 40 miles from home and take public transportation. My office building employs over 1,000 people. Who all have germs. No thanks. I’ll stay home.

Plus, I kinda just got most of my hair back. I didn’t lose it all when I had chemo the first time around, but lost it in patches so we decided to shave it. And it has taken forever to come back. And it came back grey. It’s just now starting to curl up again. And look like I had a little pixie cut instead of looking like, well, like a cancer patient. I may document my weekly hair growth here once the chemo strikes again. On my head. Not anywhere else. Because eww. And awkward.

I have knitting projects and books lined up to entertain myself on days I’m feeling better. I’ve downloaded fun things to my kindle fire. I’m preparing to read a Confederacy of Dunces (if anyone has read it, please chime in – I’m not sure I’ll like it) and re-read Jane Eyre and Persuasion.

In other news, my body is starting to heal up from the three rounds of HDR I had (brachytherapy). I’m burned in places a lady shouldn’t be burned, and the radiation cystitis is still bothering me, but it’s starting to get better. One thing I have noticed is excessive dryness down there, which is probably typical. It’s quite painful, but my oncologist suggested some OTC products that I’m going to try. In a few weeks, I’ll start using my spiffy new vaginal dialator (yes, it does look exactly like what you think it does) to combat the huge amount of scar tissue I have going on down there. Lady bits cancers are high maintenance, yo.

The best news is that all the scans I had to prepare for my HDR show that the cancer is staying at bay. Still cancer free, yo. No tumors anywhere. Yay me.

Now, just to get through the next four days of work, and then I’ll start my last push at getting through this.


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