I had a break down the other night. Radiation has not been easy for me. I’ve felt worse during radiation than I did during chemo, and that is saying a lot. Tuesday, my husband drove all the way down to Baltimore to pick me up after treatment because I was just “done.” Sick, tired, and emotionally spent. So that night, I had a good old-fashioned big girl cry. Bob is a real champ about it all, and he just held me while I sobbed. I’m so ready to be “done.”
I have (as of today) now completed 9 of 25 external radiation treatments. I met with the radiation oncologist yesterday who told me that more than likely, the constant nausea is because of the place they are radiating. I’m having two areas radiated. Both my upper waist, from just below my chest to my navel, and then the lower from the navel to pelvis. This means that just about all of my internal organs (or the ones I have left) are being affected. This has led to some rather unpleasant side effects – ones that I also experienced during chemo. Let me tell you folks – I thought radiation was going to be easier than chemo, but I was so wrong about that. At least with chemo, I knew I’d feel like crap for a week or so, and then I’d feel better. Not so with the radiation. I feel constantly like crap. I’m trying really hard to keep a good attitude.
My doctor has prescribed the zofran every 12 hours while I’m in radiation. It has helped. I still don’t have a huge appetite but I am able to eat. The fatigue is horrible. I want to sleep all the time. Sadly, the radiation aggravates the number of hot flashes I have, so sleep is fitful. I’d kill for one good night sleep. I haven’t had one since August 21st.
The good news is that I have not yet started to get skin irritation. That’s a plus. The bad news, I’m still only two weeks in.
I find out next week when my internal radiation will be scheduled. Next week, because of Thanksgiving, I only get one day off from radiation this weekend. I have tomorrow off, then an appointment on Sunday. I have four days off in a row next weekend though, and I’m looking forward to them. A little rest for the weary.
I was warned about depression during radiation. My radiation oncologist does not believe that is the case, but does feel I’m getting hit twice as hard by the physical side effects which is what is leading to my general down feeling. I tend to agree with him. For now.
So, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Each day is a day closer to being done treatment. I honestly never thought it would feel like the end is never coming, but today, that is sure how it feels.